Thursday, April 4, 2013

It's not just the past..but more than that

There is a saying; "thing happens for a reason" , there is also a saying; "something you think is important, valuable, after you lost it". But i wanna add another one; " the thing that you regretted for doing so before, make you who you are today, make you think differently of the world you live in and (hopefully)make a person wiser".

Go back to some years ago.

Me, as child, grown up in a family who hardly could afford money and food, had never got a chance to have anything, any kind of activities beside being in school and home. My Mom was always busy with things, as single parent she needed to do anything so that my other 5 siblings who were studying in university and high school in another city could graduate, they must anyway, and me staying with her, witnessed everything happened around us. I remember how I tried to keep my feeling toward her, pretended to be a cool kid who could study at home by myself, needed no one help either, not interested in any school extracurricular (we couldn't afford to pay for one), and independent.

Once in a while, i could get angry with her if I remember for whatever she has done to me. Not answering my questions because she was so tired to answer one, making me an independent person - which i thought was kinda bad things , and especially for not telling me about that one specific person i had been waiting to meet but then I knew he's passed away long before i could (maybe) clearly say the word "Dad".

It was hard, honestly.

I was angry, but I shouldn't. I should have seen from her perspective too. By the time, i got to understand her, i have to understand her, how stressful she was, taking care the 7 of us, taking care every single things which in normal family will be done by 2 persons. But as a child, I could hardly see that way.

I am writing this after a long conversation with a good friend of mine, who had almost the same experience with me, and now he is a single parent with 2 little kids. I am not selling anyone story, what I am trying to share is how kid see things, and how kid wants parent do. Some kid might not understand the parent very well, and they always expect the parent will understand them.

Having such experienced, get angry with them even after he's grown up, but never expect that he would -too soon- experience what his parent probably had been through.

This is what he said :

One ... forgive any bad action happened toward you in the past
Two ... ask for forgiveness from your parents. A short phone call once in a while will make them happy
Three . Spend as much as quality time with your family, your kid. Ask what they have been doing today, be their friends, their family, their everything.
Four .. be honest with them. Hiding things the kid should know wont make a good impact in the future

" All bad things happened to you in the past, teach you..not to do the same, do better to your kid later on. Try to understand our parent. We just don't know how they think, why they take such path - such decision, why this why that, but whatever they are doing, they always want the best from their kid. Its hard, but you gotta understand that".

Yap..I absolutely understand. Especially after i see myself when my little nephew lost his father in such young age, as an aunt (which basically a mom as well) it was really hard to respond them with a smiley face.

Almost 8 years being away and rarely see my Mom. I love her, always, but now I love her even more. As soon as i get home, i will go to the market with her, walking and hold her hand, hug and kiss her anytime, talk and laugh together, cook with her, do anything with her.

For all who were /are angry with the family, who squandered them, you gotta change your attitude while they are still around you. For what happened in the past, make who you are now. Nothing to regret, just don;t repeat the same mistake, don't blame anyone either, and of course do better. Bismillah ...

Bonn, 00:56 am
Another "missing my mom" night :)


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